ModAnon

Ficlets

2005-03-11T01:06:04Z

I've been thinking a lot about what tomakobriefs had to say, and I've gotta say, those were some very insightful points. Plus, they got me drabbling again! Only in a more socially responsible way.

Buffy/Xander Drabble

"Ooooh, I want you to give it to me, Xander," Buffy cooed. Even though she totally didn't. I mean, he'd been after her for years, and she didn't give a damn, so why would she care now?

"I know," said Xander. "And I'm going to give it to you right now." He ripped off his shirt to reveal his badass pecs underneath, because this was post-flab Xander.

"So give it to me already, Big Daddy," Buffy said, because the author had no idea how to write Buffy's tone at all.

"Wait," said Xander. "Should we use protection?" Xander was always cool like that.

"No WAY!" said Buffy. "Protection is such a DRAG." Even though she and Riley went through condoms like they were candy.

"All right," said Xander, peeling off the rest of his clothes. "Then I'm gonna give it to you right now."

Xander leaned over and put his you-know in her thingie.

"OOooooooooh," Buffy said. "Just like that!"

Xander moved it in and out, faster and faster.

And then he splooged all over. "That was great, Xander!" Buffy said. Even though it was kinda quick and all. Not everybody could have vampire stamina.

Two months later, Buffy realized she was pregnant. "Oh no!" she screamed.

"It's OK," said Xander. "We'll get married and raise the kid."

"That utterly blows," said Buffy. And it did.

KIDS! PREGNANCY ISN'T FUN! ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remus/Sirius Drabble

"I have bad news, Sirius," said Remus, looking melancholy. Remus always looked melancholy in fics.

"Eh? What's that?" said Sirius, looking up from his porn. Sirius was a big whore.

"I think I'm late," said Remus, looking worried. And still melancholy.

"We don't have to be anywhere, do we?" asked Sirius, looking at his watch. Hahaha! What a dumbass! All his brain was used for whoring.

"NO!" said Remus, getting angry. Although still melancholy under the angry. "I mean, I'm - you know, LATE!"

Even though that makes no sense, since Remus was a guy and didn't have periods to begin with.

Sirius gasped. "You don't - you mean you might be -"

Remus nodded, still melancholy.

"PREGNANT!??" Sirius screamed. In a girly way.

Remus nodded, even though there's no fucking way he could be pregnant, being male and all.

"That's - that's - WONDERFUL!" Sirius jumped up for joy. "Let's go shopping!"

And they did. Because obviously, all gay men love to shop and flame like blowtorches.

"And then," Sirius cooed, "we'll renew our vows just before the baby gets here, and we'll get all new robes, and -- What's wrong?"

Remus was doubled over. "I - have to go."

And then he passed out.

...

That night in hospital, the doctor looked at his chart. "You're lucky you came in when you did," he said. "You had kidney stones."

"Oh," said Remus sheepishly. "I thought I might be - you know."

The doctor blinked at him.

"Pregnant," said Sirius. "We were hoping he was having our child."

The doctor looked back and forth between the two of them, and looked at his chart again.

"Aren't you both guys?"

"Well, yes," said Sirius. "But we thought the power of our love might create a child."

"We're not using any protection," Remus supplied helpfully.

The doctor looked at the both of them, closed his chart, and left the room.

"Poor man," said Remus. "I bet he's never been in love."

Harry/Ginny, Ficlet, The End Of The World

The sky isn't red, Ginny thought. I thought it would be red.

Strange, that, for the end of the world to be coming so quietly, but everything else was everything she'd ever wanted, and when all you're getting is crumbs there's no time for the quibbles, or oughtn't to be.

Harry was there, of course. The secret ingredient, the comeback kid, everything Ginny had ever imagined in one messy-haired package, slipping his arm around her waist as he'd slipped into her life, and no matter how many times Ron told her it was wrong Ginny knew there was no point in waiting any more.

"Hey," Harry said. His breath was hot against her cheek. Above them, the stars were twisting, the moon tearing apart and rejoining itself as the last throes of Voldemort's final vengeance spell caught hold of the cosmos and pulled it to pieces. Like me, Ginny thought, I always knew he'd end me when it came time, but then Harry was there and it was time.

"There's nothing I can do."

"It doesn't matter," Ginny said, and she slipped out of his arms and slipped out of her robes and started folding them neatly, to lie on the grassy shores, before she remembered it didn't matter anymore.

"There's nothing I can do," Harry said. And this time Ginny heard the need in his voice.

"Shush," she said, and stepped back, raising her arms above her head with the thin cotton blouse her mother had washed, rewashed, so many times, that its fabric had turned to tissue. "There's still me."

"Right," Harry said, nodding. "Now. I know we just discussed the best methods of birth control, but do you want to do a quick review before we get started here?"

"Are you sure it matters?" Ginny asked. "After all, the world is about to end."

"Of course it does," Harry said. "I'm the Boy Who Lived. I don't go about doing things all half-cocked." He listened to himself. "Full cocked." Listened again. "No, damn it, you know what I mean."

"I do," Ginny said, slipping closer to him. And as she gently slid the condom onto his erect penis, the cosmos finally gave one last gasp and ripped itself apart, and Ginny knew, as it happened, that it was what she'd expected all along.

Dobby/Winky Drabble

"Dobby is being a bad bad elf," Winky said, looking him up and down. "Dobby is littering."

"Dobby is being a bad bad elf," Dobby agreed. "Dobby is being a bad elf and Winky should punish Dobby."

Winky picked up the whip in her tiny hand. "Winky is only doing this because Dobby is turning her on, Dobby understands. Littering is not ok."

"No," Dobby said. Winky started lashing him. "Dobby is being a bad elf. But people should be good people, and never litter. Littering is bad."

Frienditto: Get The Fuck Over It

2005-03-06T22:44:50Z

And lo, for the time has come to speak of many things, among them the much-behated frienditto. Much less pleasant than cabbages or kings, although rather more interesting than sealing wax.

Evil? Yes. Undeniably. But let's all stop pretending that it's made us change the way we look at our flists.

People we've friended have ALWAYS been able to take the text of flocked posts and repost it. They're just making it easier.

It's not like the creation of the gun invented killing. Just made it easier and neater. Same thing with frienditto. The knife in the back was a long-established technique long before frienditto came along.

(Have no fear, incidentally. Even trolls aren't evil enough to use something like frienditto. And as for poodles -- well, we're all about the shampoo and the curls.)

3 MPREG Draco icons + 6 Bases

2005-02-25T03:25:46Z

You know, it's really hard to find a good Draco pb for those fascinating MPREG plots. I should know. You can only hide his belly behind a judiciously placed crop for so long before people start wondering what the deal is.

RULES:

I. Comment and say which ones you are taking
II. CREDIT ME OR I STAB YOU IN YOUR SKULL

Icons:
1. 2. 3.

Bases:
4. 5. 6.
7. 8. 9.

ETA: Dear hp_icons: too bad I have screenshots. Two, in fact. :D One of my rules-compliant entry, and one of your rules at the time of the entry. I just wish you were as quick to delete the Glam Xander/Spike ones.

Sorry

2005-02-24T03:07:21Z

I've been looking at my friends list lately, and I realized that it's gotten out of hand. I can't keep up with my close friends anymore, and really, isn't that why we're on LiveJournal? To keep up with our loved ones?

I'm sorry, letters "c," "f," "t," "z," and "_." It's been real.

Meme

2005-02-24T01:49:35Z

Ten Things I've Done That You Probably Haven't

1. Eaten a pickle
2. Hiked the scenic cliffs of Mount Doom
3. Forgotten to check the letterbox
4. Braided my hair
5. Been to a grocery
6. Had Faith tell me she loves me more than Buffy
7. Washed a bath mat
8. Eaten a pizza
9. Toured the shadow underworld of London with Richard and Door
10. Done the dishes

Not very interesting, really.

Litany Against Wank

2005-02-22T23:59:05Z

LITANY AGAINST WANK

I must not wank.
Wank is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my wank.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the wank has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

A meditation for moderators

2005-02-22T01:05:57Z

Blessed are the poor, for they shall be stuck with only three icons.

Blessed are those that mourn, for the body count's bound to get pretty high.

Blessed are the meek, for they do not whinge and fuck up the plot arcs.

Blessed are they which hunger and thirst after plot, for they will not ship needlessly.

Blessed are the merciful, even though they make horrible Death Eaters.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall increase our stash of Hufflepuffs.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall stop the bitchy OOC drama.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for being Slytherins, for good Slytherins are hard to find.

Blessed are ye, when your IRL friends mock you for spending all of this time on an RPG.

Rejoice and be glad, for great is your reward in this RPG, for you have not pissed off the mods greatly.

The Mods are my shepherds, I shall not be in want.
They maketh me to lie down in plotty pastures,
they lead me beside interesting scenarios,
They restore my plots.
They guide me in paths of ICness
for my character's sake.
Yea, though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of HP RPG,
I will fear no shippiness,
for they are with me;
their rod and their staff,
they comfort me.

They prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
They anoint my head with a good PB; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the RPG of the mods forever.